When we tune in to our televisions on a Sunday to watch four hours of solid football, we expect to watch people with knowledge and thought-provoking insight on the game. Instead, we get Graeme Souness spouting off his outdated views and living up to the role of ensuring that we all get to listen to a dad’s stale opinion.
Whether it be Graeme informing the world of Juventus getting rid of Moise Kean due to him having attitude problems, World Cup winner Paul Pogba having an attitude that could stink out an open-top bus or Mousa Dembele not scoring enough goals to be considered quality (despite being a holding midfielder), Graeme loves to ensure that we all are reliably misinformed every single Sunday.

Lets time travel back to Lisbon in the late 1990s.
In November 1997, Graeme Souness was tasked with the difficult job of getting Benfica back to their prime. He attempted to do this via the route of signing bang average Premier League players who would throw up at the thought of wearing white boots.
He inherited FA Cup winner, and now the face of the Championship, Scott Minto. After initially assessing his squad, Souness realised that Minto being the first-ever Englishman to play for Benfica was a true travesty, so decided to bring in as many players from the British Isles as he could get away with.
Brian Deane, the man who scored the first goal of the Premier League era, must have thought all his Christmas’ came at once when Benfica came calling. Playing in the second tier of English Football, Deane jumped at the chance to move from Sheffield to Lisbon. Deane scored seven goals in 18 games for the Lisbon giants, but was fed up with life in miserable Lisbon and could not resist a move to Middlesbrough. Deane was a rare British success for Souness due to his decent goalscoring rate and a goal at home against fierce rivals, Porto.

Lightning never strikes twice, however. Souness bought Deane from Championship side Sheffield United, so obviously, the Scot had to return to Yorkshire to sign everyone’s favourite Talk-sport pundit, Dean Saunders. The ex-Welsh international scored five goals in 17 league games and was probably a symbol for the failure of Souness’ ‘British Invasion’ as he was shipped off to Bradford after his sole year sipping Sangria.
Nuno Gomes was the main man for Benfica during this period and the definition of a ‘slotsman’ during the late 90s. The season before Saunder’s joined Benfica, Gomes bagged 22 goals in 40 games and was already an international footballer. However, Souness and Saunders believed that Gomes needed a more ‘English spin’ on his way of playing. Souness believed that Saunders could help Gomes realise what he wants in his striker and believed that Gomes could learn a few things. Maybe this worked as Gomes went onto score 54 goals in his following two seasons, but it would be presumed this was just because Nuno Gomes had the innate ability to sniff out a chance, and not because of a 34-year-old Championship striker teaching him how to get volleyed by a bulldog at the back whilst running the channels.
Nuno Gomes shockingly did not have the greatest relationship with his former manager Graeme Souness. Portugal achieved a superb comeback, coming back from two goals down against England in Euro 2020, eventually winning 3-2. Gomes scored the winning goal in typical fashion as he found a yard in the box and prodded the ball over the onrushing David Seaman. Before the game, Gomes was told that if Tony Adams and Sol Campbell ‘ show their teeth’ then the striker would ‘run away in fear’. This gave Nuno Gomes the motivation to prove his former boss wrong, and that he did to the misery of millions of English fans.
Mark Pembridge was signed on a free transfer fresh from reaching the nose bloodying heights of 16th with Sheffield Wednesday the year before. The ‘Welsh Paul Scholes’ did not quite live up to his tag. Going from an unspectacular midfielder in a relegation fight to the heart of one of Europe’s most prestigious clubs surprisingly did not work out well. Who would have guessed? After a year in Portugal’s capital, Pembridge decided to join Everton, where he would attempt to score off every single corner he took, much to the sheer delight of all Toffees fans.
It seems that Pembridge had one crucial thing that Souness liked about him which many other players had Benfica could not offer him – he was not Portuguese speaking. After stories of Nuno Gomes being castigated for using the outside of his foot when striking the ball in training. Rumours have it that Souness stopped training and told his star player and the 20+ goal a season man that ‘we are not in Brazil now’. Truly astounding stuff.
After hearing this shocking news that Souness does not like flair or a player going against the mould, it should come as no surprise that Souness did not fancy 19-year-old, Brazillian born Deco. After scoring 13 goals in 32 games whilst on loan at Alverca, Souness did not fancy him and decided to let him go on a free transfer.
He let Deco go on a free transfer. Deco.

It should come as no real surprise that Souness made a few basic errors in the transfer market. Who can forget about the signing of Ali Dia whilst he was in charge of Southampton. After the club receiving a call from Goerge Weah, Souness jumped at the opportunity to sign his little cousin and striker for PSG on a free transfer. The deal sounded far too good to be true for the Scottish manager; largely because it was a lie. Dia was fresh off the back of failed trials at Port Vale, Gillingham, and Bournemouth, he eventually got a deal with non-league Blyth Spartans. After making just one substitute appearance for the non-league club, Dia decided to aim for the bright lights of the Premier League.
George Weah never actually phoned Souness believe it or not; it was Dia’s college roommate. Souness offered a one month trial to the make-believe Senegalese international and took a gamble on the forward, lashing him on the bench against Leeds United.
When Matt Le Tissier got injured in the 32nd minute, George Weah’s ‘cousin’ took to the field of play to show just what he had in his locker. Unfortunately, his locker was pretty bare. The sub got subbed and was nicknames Ali Liar and Ali Dire by the press due to his clear lack of footballing ability. A definite egg on the face moment for the pundit who slags off every man and his dog each Sunday.
Souness’ British invasion no doubt ended in failure. He was told in the April of his final season he would be replaced by future-treble-winning Bayern Munich manager Jupp Heynkes. Souness went on to be suspended by the club due to his ‘passivity’ in a 1-1 draw against Campomaiorens. Souness later branded the club owner, Joao Azevedo, as a ‘dangerous man’ which later turned out to be true. However, he then went on to say he was going to pay some ‘Latinos’ to beat him up.
Not very classy, Graeme.

A common joke at the time of the Brittish Invasion read as: ‘If a plane crashed which contained Souness, Azevedo and Joao Pinto (club captain at the time): who would survive? Benfica.’ Harsh and extreme, but once the manager and the owner left the club then Benfica could rebuild and become a domestic force once again, as they have shown in recent years, largely dominating Primeira Liga.
The club was, unfortunately, rotting from within when Souness was in charge. Club owner, Azevedo, was arrested in 2001, showing the dodgy side of his persona which Souness and the Benfica fans knew existed. The former owner was accused of keeping £1m from the transfer of Sergei Ovchinnikov to Alverca FC, as well as laundering cash through offshore banks on the British Virgin Islands. Therefore with this occurring in the background, it can be no major surprise which Souness did not achieve as much success as he would have hoped for.
However, with public statements suggesting that Portuguese players lacked ‘heart and desire’ and that they needed to develop more of a Scottish mentality, it can be no surprise that Souness was the victim of a mock farewell with 80,000 angry Portuguese fans ironically waving handkerchiefs during a 0-3 defeat to Boavista. Souness found himself locked out the training ground; sadly not earning a place in the hearts of Benfica fans throughout the world.












































